If there is one recreational activity that defines black America’s unique ethnological experience that we commonly call “the culture,” then it would have to be the card competition known as spades.*
Spades is not a game.
Secondly, spades actually predates all of recorded history. Ancient Sumerian carvings depict a four-person contest where one player is clearly running a Boston (which is where the city’s name originated). And when archaeologists excavated the secret rooms in the Egyptian pyramids, they found that members of the royal courts were buried with a hand of 13 cards in each sarcophagus.
The Pharaoh always had the Big Joker.
For years, The Root was asked to create a tutorial for our spades-illiterate readers but—for a number of reasons—we have never answered the call. The first reason was that we simply assumed that it already existed. However, after looking at Bicycle playing cards’ official tutorial, we were shocked to discover that most of the spades-related instructions were sorely lacking the black perspective. First of all, they refer to “books” as “tricks.” What the fuck is a trick? I suspect whoever wrote that also gave The Monkees a tambourine.
The biggest reason that we resisted offering a spades tutorial was that we weren’t sure it was possible. Everyone at The Root knows how to play spades but no one could specifically remember being taught. I erroneously assumed every black person was born with the innate ability to play spades, season chicken and hit the exact notes on Frankie Beverly’s wail in “Before I Let Go.”
Well, we have a trick for your ass.
We’re gonna teach you how to play spades.
While this tutorial will not make you a “spades player,” it will teach you the basics of the black version of spades (which is a different version than the Caucasian version. White Spades is a game).**
**A white person once told me they “enjoyed” playing spades. Spades is not for “enjoyment.” Spades is about dominance. It is a conduit for shit-talking. It’s exciting and scary. Then again, white people love scary shit like bungee-jumping and hang-gliding. Come to think about it, spades is black people’s version of bungee-jumping—You might get smashed or you might end up flying.
This is for all the people who apparently grew up without cousins. This is for all the suburban kids who didn’t have anyone to ask them to run to the store and buy Kool 100s in the soft pack. With practice, hard work and someone to call you a “sorry motherfucker who should have stayed in the corner of yo’ daddy’s wrinkled nutsack,” you too can become an actual spades player. And—if you are really diligent, maybe someday you will be lucky enough to find the one thing we are all searching for:
A true “partner.”
Necessary elements
There are a few things you will need to play spades.
1. Two pairs of partners: For the sake of this tutorial, we will assume the most popular negro configuration—a four-person game. But you can’t just choose any four people because—unlike most other barbecue-related recreational activities—spades requires teamwork, communication and an equal level of skill from both members of each team.
Meshing well with a partner is the most important aspect of the game. Part of what makes spades such a difficult game to learn is that one great spades player can’t compensate for their teammate’s lack of knowledge. If I played a mixed doubles tennis match with Serena Williams, we could probably defeat any other team in the world. But the greatest spades player in the universe is completely irrelevant without a partner who meshes well with their spades sensibilities. Because of this, very few people will even think of partnering with a novice.
2. Playing cards: Bicycle playing cards are the official playing cards of black America. One should only play with off-brand cards when it is totally necessary. And if you consider this endorsement a breach of journalistic ethics, you should know that almost every brand of American playing cards is owned and distributed by one company—The United States Playing Card Company. I don’t know why, but it still matters.
3. Music: I don’t think it is possible to play spades without music. I tried once in the late 1980s and quickly stopped after I began experiencing what doctors now call “renege-induced vertigo.” As long as three of the players agree on the music, the specific genre does not matter. One player will always disagree on the music. That player is probably going to win.
4. Electricity: You’re probably thinking: “Of course you need light to play spades,” but the summer outdoor spades season does not require electric lights. Electricity is only needed to keep score. If a person has electricity, that means they receive an electric bill. And, after years of laboratory testing, the National Association of Spades Activities (the real NASA) determined that the best medium for recording spades scores was the back of an envelope that previously contained the second notice for an overdue light bill.
The writing utensil can come from anywhere but preliminary studies show that the best ink comes from a pen that was at the bottom of a church lady’s purse that has been used to write down scriptures during three consecutive Bible study classes.
5. A table: I know this seems obvious, but this is a very important aspect of playing spades. And, while it sounds counterintuitive, a card table is not a sufficient playing surface for spades because the standard card table does not provide enough heft for the black version of this game.
Spades should always be played on a kitchen or a dining room table, even if the game takes place outside. (Picnic tables have little slits and holes which impede the racking of books.) However, even when a dining room table is used, spades should never be played in an actual dining room—only in a kitchen, a living room or an outside location—unless you want your dining room to smell like Black & Milds for a week.***
***Even if no one smokes, after three games of spades, there will be the scent of Black & Milds in the air. NASA is still trying to figure out why.
6. Food and/or drink: Because spades is very labor-intensive, it requires food. Wings, meatballs, Ro-Tel or fried fish are all very good spades dishes. One should, however, make sure that any food served during the match is sauceless, as it could make the cards sticky.
Brown liquor should be served at a spades game but gin is also allowed under the international black rules. All beer should be domestic.
Having gathered your materials, you probably think you’re ready to play. Not so fast, my friend. You are only at the stage called “‘bout to play spades,” which precedes the “finna play” stage.
House Rules
Before an evening of spade-ing commences, there are decisions that must be made. The most important rule one must know is that the host of the spades location is the sole decider of all competition rules—but it is not their responsibility to let you know them. That’s on you. While there is an infinite number of rule variations, we will only cover the basics here.
Entering the game: Competitive spades playing is organized by the same rules as black barbershops and pickup basketball games—it is the potential player’s responsibility to determine who’s up to play and inform everyone within a 200-foot radius that you have “next.”
You are obligated to find your own partner. However, if your turn comes up and you or your partner are not around, you have approximately 39 seconds before you lose your spot. You must sit down across from your partner and begin to play.
Dealing: In most places, the winner of the previous game gets to deal, after which the deal rotates clockwise. In other places, the cards are shuffled and one card is dealt to each player before every game. The player with the highest card wins. In other places, the deal rotates clockwise every hand, regardless of the winner. The most important thing to know about dealing is that if you mess up for any reason, the deal automatically goes to the next person. Each person receives 13 cards. The person to the left of the dealer always has the option of cutting the cards. If they choose not to cut them, they must still touch the deck.
Score: There are two ways to score spades. The first is by scoring according to bidding (which we will discuss later). The second method—the “no-bid rules”—is usually only used when there is no light bill available to keep score on. While this simpler method removes the complexity of bidding from the game (I told you we’d talk about bidding later!), it also requires the players to keep scores in their heads and agree with each other, which can lead to fights.
Most inside-based spades games go to 500 while most outside games go to 350. No-bid games are quicker and usually end at seven. Some people “keep overs” while others only score the number of books bid. (Nigga, didn’t I just say we were gonna talk about bidding tomorrow?)
Winners versus losers: Winners stay at the table while losers get up. However, in some competitions, a player who had “next” has the option of choosing one of the losers as a partner. A person who wins can call a loser any disparaging nickname they choose and the loser must keep quiet.
Game stoppers: Make sure you ask which instances will render a hand invalid or automatically end the game. Although they vary from location to location, the seven main game-stoppers are:
A pound on the first hand ends the game.
A Boston at any time ends the game.
Setting an opponent three times ends the game.
A hand with no Trump cards ends the hand, next person deals.
A hand with no trump cards or face cards ends the hand, next person deals.
A fight temporarily delays the game until the main antagonist gets a refill for everyone whose liquor was spilled.
Running out of liquor ends the game.
House hierarchy: OK, I know I’ve already said that certain aspects of the game were “important,” but the rank of the cards is really the one rule that you must make sure that you are aware of.
As with most card games, the rank of the cards is—from high to low—A (high), K, Q, J, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2... Usually. From there, the house rules determine the rank, which is defined by the following terms:
Joker***, Joker, Deuce, Deuce: From high to low—Big Joker (high), Little Joker, deuce of diamonds, deuce of spades, A, K, Q, J, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2. Notice, in this configuration, there are 16 trump cards and the 2 of clubs is the only non-trump deuce (and is therefore called the “bitch nigga”).
Joker, Joker, Deuce of Spades: From high to low—Big Joker (high), Little Joker, deuce of spades, A, K, Q, J, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2
Joker, Joker, Ace: From high to low—Big Joker (high), Little Joker, A, K, Q, J, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2
Ace high: From high to low—A, K, Q, J, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2. Because this configuration removes both Jokers from the deck, leaving only 13 trump cards, this is also the most difficult way to play spades. This version is usually only played by old Ques, people who have spent time in prison or people who played in the band at an HBCU. You don’t want to play this way.
***A brief word about Jokers: Perhaps the greatest dispute in black culture is the debate over which one is the “Big Joker.” While we have already issued a ruling on this matter, house rules determine this on a case-by-case basis. Although some households will actually write “Big” on the designated Big Joker, this is one of the few rules where it is OK to ask for clarity without looking like a novice.
As we discussed earlier, this guide will not make you a great spades player. Its intended purpose is to introduce you to the basic structure of the game and prevent your relatives at the next family reunion from looking at you like you farted during “Lift Every Voice and Sing” when you confess that you don’t know how to play spades. If you are actually using this guide to learn how to play spades, you should be aware that there is a difference between knowing how to play spades and being a spades player.
Becoming a licensed “spades player” requires at least 100 hours of playing time, including 10 consecutive games without a renege. You must also obtain 3 references, including at least one from a certified uncle who carries a white “face rag” in his back pocket (a hand towel across his shoulder is also acceptable). Until you obtain those credentials, you should refrain from joining a regular spades game until you have sharpened your skills to an acceptable level.
I know you’re thinking: “How do I learn how to play spades without playing spades?” Well, that’s actually the definitive negro philosophical question. Unlike our white counterparts, black people already know the answer to “which came first—the chicken or the egg?”
These are the pinnacle of Apple AirPod design, and feature active noise cancelling, a transparency mode for when you need to hear what’s around you, spatial audio for accuracy, adaptive EQ, and are even sweat resistant.
Anyway, before we get into gameplay, there are a few terms that you should know, or you’ll have no idea what people are talking about.
For the sake of clarification, we will use examples that you are likely to hear from your partner during your first few games.
The Spades Dictionary
Terminology is very important in spades. So we have created a comprehensive glossary for all your spade endeavors.
Bid: How many books a person expects to make.
Bidding is the essence of the sport. It doesn’t matter how well you count cards, strategize suits or how great your hand is, if you can’t bid, you can’t win. And, while spades is characterized by talking shit to one’s opponent, bidding poorly is one of the few loopholes that permit a player to disparage their partner.
Example: If my partner wasn’t a sorry motherfucker who bid like he was in the Showcase Showdown on Prices Right (which is the correct pronunciation during a spades game), we wouldn’t have lost!
Big Dog: The highest card in the deck.
Unless you are playing “Ace High,” the Big Joker is usually the Big Dog. Some players often affix the Big Dog to their forehead. Because this requires a small amount of saliva, we don’t recommend doing this in the age of coronavirus.
Example: I can’t believe my partner had the big dog and only bid five! Are you the feds?
Blind: To bid before one receives their cards.
Because it is such a risky move, “blind” bids are worth double the points. However, most people only allow a team to bid a blind when they are down by 100 points or more.
Example: We gon’ bid a blind seven because my partner is the feds.
Book: The collected four cards played in a turn.
Winning books is the entire point of spades. In white spades, books are called “tricks.” No one knows why, but I suspect they find it hard to believe that black people can make books. They probably thought it was a trick.
Example: We could’ve made eight books if my partner wasn’t scared.
Board: The minimum number of books a team is allowed to bid.
In most spades games, board is four books, which means you must bid (and make) four books every hand. There are some high-level games, however, where board is five. At this stage of your spades development, you are not ready for this. If you discover yourself in a game where board is five, you should get up, gather your belongings, and tell them you don’t need that kind of pressure in your life. One of the most common spades bluff lines of all time is: “If you don’t bid board, you’re set. IF YOU DON’T BID BOARD, YOU’RE SET! “
Example: My partner is so terrible, I’m just hoping to make board.
Boston: When one team wins all 13 books.
A Boston is significant because it means a team won every possible book in the hand. It requires a great hand, remarkable skill and flawless execution. As we discussed earlier, some house rules dictate that a team that bids and makes a Boston automatically wins the game.
On June 19, 1992, at the second table from the rear of Auburn University’s War Eagle Cafeteria, I actually bid and made a blind Boston. You may have heard about it. I was drunkenly celebrating into the wee hours of the morning so I didn’t see it, but I’m sure they talked about it on SportsCenter.
Example: My partner is so fucking bad that they ‘bout to run a Boston on us and we can’t do anything about it.
Cut: Playing a spade to win a book that was led by another suit.
If someone leads with hearts and you play a spade, you won the book by “cutting” hearts. Although we aren’t getting into strategy, good spades players not only remember which suit every player is cutting, they can also look at the cards played by an opponent and tell which suit a player will be cutting in the future. The best players can simply look at their hand and know which suits will be cut before a single card is played.
Example: I know this motherfucker ain’t cutting hearts! Oh, y’all bout to be set!
Dime: When a team bids 10 books.
It is only a “dime” if you bid it, otherwise, it is just 10 books. And, while the proper terminology for a team who only gets four books is “making board,” one doesn’t “make” a dime or a Boston—you “run a dime.” Because board is four and there are only 13 possible books in a hand, a team who runs a dime automatically sets the other team.
Alternate names include a “pound,” a “tenderoni” and—according to the Economic Policy Institute—a “white man’s penny.”
Example: I want to run a dime but my partner counts like Cookie Monster after the edibles kick in.
Hand: The portion of the game consisting of a deal, playing all 13 cards, counting the books and writing down the score.
I know this might sound confusing, but the collection of cards one receives in a deal is also called a “hand.” Also, a hand is a part of the arm. And a synonym for help. And a euphemism for “applause.” That’s the great thing about spades. It doesn’t make any sense but it still makes sense.
Example: My hand was so bad on the last hand that I needed my partner to give me a hand. I gotta hand it to him—he came through with the big dog. I’ll be better next hand.
Kitty: A stupid idea.
A kitty is an overly complex way of making the game easier and harder at the same time. You don’t need to know what this. People who play with kittys (also the proper spelling in spades-speak) shouldn’t be allowed to play spades. They really wanna play “Go Fish,” but won’t admit it.
Example: Y’all playing with a kitty? Nah, I’m out.
Lead/Led: To play the first card in a turn.
If the lead is on you, then you play the first card. One can’t lead with spades unless another player has already played one during a previous turn.
Example: Why are you leading with hearts when you know he’s cutting? Are you trying to lose? That’s it, I’m calling the police.
Motherfu**er: Anyone who plays spades
If you play spades, you might as well face it—someone is gonna call you a motherfucker. That’s why I don’t believe that motherfucker is a bad word. If there is a heaven, then there is a spades tournament every day. And if they have a spades tournament, you can bet Harriet Tubman called Maya Angelou a “bitch-ass, poem-saying motherfucker” when Maya was cutting hearts right out of the gate. I bet Maya quietly told her that she stuck the big Joker to her forehead and said:
Although I don’t have a lot of face cards,
You still won’t make me cry
I know you want to set me
And wonder where the big Joker lies
I say,
It’s in the way I walked that Queen
The way I smacked that ace,
You know I’m still spades tight
I’m bout to make you screw your face
If you wonder who I am
The score is all you need to see.
I may be a motherf**ker...
Then Maya stuck the big Joker to her forehead and said:
“Phenomenal spades player, that me.”
Example: I just gave you one, motherf*c*er.
Ni**a: Same as Motherfu*er.
People are going to throw the n-word around at every spades game. Someone once pulled out a knife and called me a “bitch-ass motherfucker” just because I said they reneged. I thought I was gonna get stabbed and it took two people to break it up.
I don’t know why my grandmama be acting like that:
Example: Really, n***a?
Overs: The number of books you made above what you bid.
Overs are also called “bags.” Some people don’t score overs and only count the books you bid. When you have more than 10 overs in any game, you automatically lose 100 points, which is why it’s important to bid correctly.
Example: This nigga has so many overs the cops are gonna charge you with hoarding. Alexa, play “Overjoyed” by Stevie Wonder!
Puppytoes: What people who play with kittys call the suit known as clubs.
Don’t ever say this.
Examples: Did you just say the “three of puppytoes?” I hope the police arrive soon so I can tell them you’re trespassing.
Pound: See “Dime.”
Possible: A book that you are likely to make but are not sure about bidding.
“Possibles” are only relevant during bidding because it allows two teammates to make a decision on how many books they will bid. In your case, your teammate will be making this decision and probably won’t count your possible. Possibles are divided into three self-explanatory categories: Weak possibles, strong possibles and “I’m-so-good-I-can-make-this-Jack-walk.”
Example: I have three and a possible and my partner has three and a possible. Sounds like eight to me!
Rack: To collect the books.
Each team decides its own racking protocol. Some teams designate the captain as the racker. Some give that task to the subservient player while others determine that each player racks their own books. Because one should never touch a book you didn’t win, if you rack a book, you are assumed to have won it. However, one of the unwritten rules of spades says if you are sly enough to rack a book you didn’t win, it’s yours. (Well, I guess that rule is written, now).
Although many of the rules vary, there is only one universally accepted way to rack books in black spades:
Example: Rack the books since you’re not doing anything else. And hurry up before the cops get here.
Reading the Board: Applying strategy by evaluating the cards that have been played in a hand versus the cards you are holding
Although expert-level spades gurus can read the board and make on-the-fly decisions like Peyton Manning reads a defense, even a novice can read the board. For instance, if you are holding a lone Jack of hearts after everyone has played two each in a Joker-Joker-Deuce game, you should automatically know that at least one player will be cutting next time hearts lead. Now, suppose you won that previous turn with a king of hearts and your teammate played a queen? That should inform you that your partner is cutting and you should lead with hearts.
See? You just read the board.
Example: Are you reading the board? Why did you switch suits after you just watched me throw out the Queen? The cops are gonna arrest your ass!
Renege: To play a suit other than the one that lead while still holding a card of the lead suit, whether it is intentional or not.
In black spades, an opponent who catches a renege is entitled to three books. But there are so many rules surrounding a reneging incident that each episode quickly evolves into a Supreme Court case. First, until the book has officially been racked, the renege is only a mistake. Then, the renege whistleblower must turn over the exact book that involves the renege without any outside help. If the accuser turns over the wrong book, the renege accusal becomes invalid and may even owe the reneger a book, according to some house rules. If the whistleblower turns over the right book, the reneger has the right to appeal by asking the accuser to prove which card each player played. If the reneger is convicted but doesn’t have three books, they must pay it during the next hand. Reneging is one of the lowest things you can do in black spades. Yet, somehow, the reneger is always the one who ends up mad.
Example: You’re the one who reneged. Why are you mad? Don’t be a reneger with attitude.
Sandbagging: Intentionally or unintentionally bidding low. Also called “underbidding.”
Sandbagging is only revealed when a team has an excessive amount of “bags.” In most games, once a team’s collective number of bags reaches ten, 100 points are deducted from the sandbagging team’s score.
Example: You bid 3 and made 6 all by yourself. Why do you keep sandbagging?
Set: When a team fails to make the number of books they bid.
Being set is what motivates some people to renege, being set is one of the most humiliating things in all of blackdom. I once dated someone who watched me get set on a hand where I bid board. Even though she said she broke up with me to date a future NFL player who she is still married to, I still think she left me because she once saw me get set when I bid board.
Also, I don’t quite know what it means that white people’s name for getting set is “breaking contract.” But I know it means something.
Example: Officer, My partner told me he knew how to play spades but my team has been set three times. That’s gotta be a law against that! Making false statements to a spades Partner? Gross Negligence? Perjury? Something!
Suicide: Bidding a blind ten.
Although the result is 200 points, this is a desperate move.
Did I mention I did it once?
Example: I’m gonna bid a blind ten since that’s what I essentially did by choosing you as a partner.
Talking Across the Board: Unauthorized talking to one’s partner about the game to let them know what to do.
Sometimes talking across the board doesn’t involve talking. Sometimes it is a look or a signal. Sometimes it is surreptitiously letting a partner know which card to play or how many cards of a certain suit you have left.
Example: Officer, can’t you at least detain him for talking across the board? He said He gave his love to four strippers he met at three different shake joints, but only gave them three rings. I know that meant he had four hearts three clubs and one diamond!
Underbid: See “sandbagging.”
Walk: When a lower card unexpectedly wins a book.
Walking a queen is a moderate achievement but sometimes, if you read the board right, you can even walk a Jack or a ten.
Example: Sir, since he let my nine of clubs walk just now, I do not going to press charges.
